With or Without You
by Ladydragon Guinevere
Summary: "I like, never had someone fight for me before…" Continuation. Different take, different environment. Very eventful school trip Native American Style. Jordan/Angela pairing
1. Avoiding

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 1 "Avoiding"**

_Angela VO: "Like high school itself isn't demeaning enough already, they're making us go on some lame fieldtrip to study the Native American way of life, near Serpent Mound. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for learning things about Indians and stuff, but *why* do we have to do it by sleeping in Teepees and dressing up like so-called Native Americans? First we slaughter them and make them adjust to our own culture and the few ones left, we let them stay alive in these zoo-like reservations. A couple of hundred years later, we suddenly develop an interest in their culture and want to imitate their way of life… __Sometimes I feel ashamed to be part of the hypocritical way of life of Americans, you know?"_

Like a never-ending yellow train, the school busses cut through the green landscape on their way to the campsite near Serpent Mound. Slumping in her seat, Angela tried to ignore the overenthusiastic clamour surrounding her like a stifling blanket.

Ever since the infamous evening she climbed into Jordan's car to discuss the letter he supposedly wrote her, two and a half months ago, her life had been a big mess. Not being able to stop thinking about the situation that led to writing the letter, as well as the situation followed by those actual words, Angela's introspectiveness had been amplified even more. Her thoughts were stuck in the same circle, over and over again, until they became one big, indefinable blur. Wondering what the right choice would be, drove her insane.

_Angela VO: "God, I'm like, so tired of thinking, and so exhausted of being haunted by Jordan and Brian's words. The fact I never seem to have that one, clarifying moment, is even more fatiguing. I keep hoping for the eureka-moment to hit me, like that guy from the bible who got to talk to this burning bush, you know? But the more I think, the more I'm whirling down into this infinite, black hole. It's like I can't come up for air anymore, all I see is the darkness that's trying to squeeze a choice from me."_

Sure enough, it took Jordan quite some time to say the words she needed to hear. _"I'm sorry, Angela."_

But his words didn't kill the little creature that was chewing on her mind, repeating its mantra over and over again. _"You can't trust him anymore!" _

The fluffy little animal that resided in her heart always answered differently. _"He wouldn't hurt you again! Jordan Catalano made a mistake, that's all." _

Yes, Jordan Catalano just made a mistake, one slip-up was all it took to make Angela question his faithfulness and loyalty. Ironically, that gaffe made him fully aware that he *wanted* to be faithful and loyal to her.

If Jordan Catalano hadn't 'ummed' Rayanne Graff, Angela and he would've still been *just* friends and nothing more. Now, they weren't even friends, but heartbroken lovers.

Barely visible over the headrest of the chair in front of Angela, Brian Krakow's blond curls lay there like a little, crocheted rug.

_Angela VO: "God, I actually like, pity Brian Krakow. He tried to help Jordan Catalano out by expressing his *own* feelings for me. Why couldn't Jordan Catalano just tell me he was sorry by himself? Why is he capable of writing songs, but not able to simply tell me he's sorry?"_

"_Without asking for any of this to happen, they both lured me into their web, ready to eat me alive. I never wanted to know Brian is like, into me, you know? I never asked him to develop feelings for me, I never even treated him decent to begin with. I never led him on in any way, so why did he like, have to inconvenience me by sharing his feelings for me? Now I'm forced to stay out of his proximity, because things between us are even more awkward than before."_

That letter completely messed up her life, who knew beautiful words like that could cause such disaster and chaos. Already avoiding Rayanne Graff, Brian Krakow was added to the list as well. Since being near Jordan prohibited her from thinking clearly, she tried to maintain her distance from him too. Her days were filled with dodging people until she finally got her feelings together and reached a conclusion.

_To be continued…_


	2. Boiling Point

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 2 "Boiling Point"**

Angela VO: _"I feel like a complete moron, trying to make dinner by the campfire, dressed in this fake suede wrap-dress and these fringed moccasins. My pale skin makes me look like a pathetic excuse for a native American woman. Luckily I'm not the only one who looks embarrassing, Brian Krakow's skin possibly looks even more white and he's wearing less than I am to cover up his exposed, white flesh." _

Looking down at the fire by her feet and the little pot hovering over it, Angela wanted to be somewhere else very badly. Sharon went to get more supplies to cook the dinner together with Angela, and bumped into Brian nearby. Only hearing shards of their conversation, Angela felt kind of relieved they only talked about small stuff like the sizzling hot weather.

Angela VO: _"I'm glad I got assigned to do our projects with Sharon, since she's the only one besides Rickie I'm not avoiding. This is already pathetic enough without my personal life ruining it. Watching that little pot hang over the fire, reminds me of myself. I can like, feel the heat wrapping itself around me, flames licking their way up along my sides, burning me alive. And all I can do is hover and let the flames consume me, because there's like, no way out of this mess. It feels like my hands are tied, or even my brain in some way."_

A few yards away, Rayanne and Rickie were working on their own project. Admiring Rayanne's exterior, Angela's eyes travelled over her former best friend's silhouette. Stroking a paintbrush up and down vigorously over the totem pole she was occupied with, Rayanne stopped for a moment and looked up. As if she actually felt Angela's eyes burn on her skin.

Angela VO:_ "It still hurts to look at her, I guess. Not only because she broke my heart, but also because she can always get away with stupid outfits like these. I *envy* her skin tone and the way she makes that skirt and top look good, rather than turn it into a big joke like me. Even Rickie seems to fit right in."_

Seemingly out of nowhere, Jordan Catalano appeared near the spot where Rayanne and Rickie were working. Of course, Jordan had given the obligatory outfit his own twist. He refused to wear the fringed, semi-leather pants, instead he just sported his trusty, slightly baggy jeans. Above it, he wore the Indian's fringed vest, with nothing underneath it. Angela nearly suffered from a heart attack earlier, when she saw this much of Jordan's skin and muscles exposed.

For a brief moment, Jordan's piercing blue eyes rested on Angela, before turning to Rayanne and Rickie, softly greeting them with a hesitant 'hey'. Like she hadn't noticed Jordan's presence, Angela pretended to be busy. Ever since she'd made it clear to him she just wasn't sure about anything anymore, he had kept his distance from her.

Angela glanced up from her task to watch Rayanne, Rickie and Jordan having what seemed to be a very lively conversation. Jordan's fingers travelling delicately over the totem pole, made Angela swallow a lump in her throat. Even though he betrayed her, it didn't mean she was over him… Suddenly his eyes met with hers once more, a blush crept up her cheeks before she knew it. Swiftly Angela averted her eyes, feeling caught like a kid with its hand in the cookie jar.

Hardly chipping into the conversation, Rickie stood and watched as Rayanne and Jordan shared a few laughs. To Angela, those laughs felt like tiny needle-pricks through the heart.

Angela VO: _"Like, my current state of mental melt-down isn't like *their* fault! How can they just, you know, act like nothing happened? Like they didn't sleep together and ruin my entire life? Like the two of them talking is the whole cause of the universe crashing down on me but they don't even know it! Like, they distorted reality and I ended up with Brian Krakow chasing after me, and *still* they just talk and laugh like nothing happened! How could Rayanne like, do this to me? She was supposed to be my friend and now she's like, all over him again!"_

Afraid she was about to break down, Angela turned her eyes away from them once more. Without noticing anything, she was staring down at the food and fire in front of her. Tears welled up in her burning eyes, tears of loneliness, tears of shame and tears of anger. Jordan and Rayanne didn't care about her.

A high-pitched, loud "No, Catalano!" followed by many giggles, made Angela jerk her head up in the direction she had just turned it away from. Jordan's face strutted a broad, blue smear that wasn't there before, like war-paint. Playfully, he tried to pry the paintbrush that had caused the smear on his face from Rayanne's hands.

That moment, something inside Angela snapped. Her vision became blurry because of the salt water springing from her eyes, causing her to knock over the frame from which the cooking pot hung. Somehow, she managed to scramble to her feet. Wiping away the tears that hindered her eyesight seemed abundant when it was pure rage which guided her blindly to the spot where Rayanne and Jordan were frolicking around.

_Angela VO: "All this time I haven't actually been living. I merely survived in a way, I guess. I didn't wanna feel what Jordan and Rayanne did to me, I like, pushed it away to this dark corner in my mind, hoping if I ignored it, it would wither and die someday. Now I realise it's hate that kept me alive all this time. Hatred can become like food, it gives you this energy that you can like, live off."_

Hatred made Angela's voice speak before she even was aware of it. "Stay away from Jordan, Rayanne!"

"What? We were just…" Somewhat unaware of Angela's presence until now, Rayanne's surprised eyes looked up in the direction of the red-headed fury that approached her.

"Oh yeah, you were just… Little Miss Innocent! Before he knows it, you'll be jumping his bones again!" Unaware of where the words came from, Angela heard them tumble from her lips.

Finally Rickie switched his place as the ever-quiet observer for that of an impartial participant. "Angela, just… They didn't… You know it's not…"

"Rickie, I can handle this." Gesturing Rickie to stay back, Rayanne turned to face Angela again. "What's wrong with you? I was just like, talking to the guy! Relax, Angelica!" Rayanne ambled backwards with her hands in the air, like she surrendered herself to Angela.

"Angela…" Trying to approach her, Jordan took a few steps forward until he was pushed sideways by Angela, like she coldly discarded of her meaningless trash.

"Yeah, we all know what happens next!" The sarcasm in her own voice surprised Angela.

"God, you're still not over that? I'm not interested in Catalano, don't you get it?"

"Really? How can I be sure of that, huh? You said something like that before, and now you're like, talking to him again. Teasin' him with your paintbrush…"

Trying to salvage things, Jordan's husky voice interrupted the girls' angry words once more. "Come on, Ange… You know like, it's nothin' like that!" Ambling a few steps forward, worry was written all over Jordan's face.

"Just… Stay out of this, Jordan!" A short, intense stare shot from Angela's eyes, hitting their target in the bull's eye.

"You know, I'm leaving. You're not being reasonable." Turning on her heels, Rayanne wanted to put her words to action.

"Yeah, you better leave! Don't ever let me catch you near him again!" Angela's accusing index finger was mere feet away from Rayanne's backside.

"That's it, I've had it with you! You wanna settle this once and for all? Come on, Angelica! Show me how angry you really are!"

"I'll show you, you betraying, backstabbing, double crossing, deceiving so-called friend!"

Unleashing her fury on Rayanne for the first time since her betrayal, Angela wildly yanked down Rayanne's Native-style braids. Warping her face, Rayanne's pride however kept her from screaming out the pain. Instead she gave Angela an eye for an eye, jerking the red strands of hair down with force.

"Angela, don't!" Like an arrow from a bow, Brian appeared into the scene and shot forward to intervene.

"No, let them." Laying a hand on Brian's arm, Sharon who had witnessed the quarrel from a distance so far, stopped him. "As pointless as this may seem to you, I think this needs to happen. Angela needs to let her frustration out, or she can't like, ever deal with what happened, you know?"

"When's she gonna find out, he's like, not worth it…" Shaking his head, Brian just couldn't wrap his mind around the fuss over Jordan Catalano.

A foot snuck around Rayanne's ankle, trying to tackle her onto the floor. Avoiding the movement easily, Rayanne jumped around on her feet like a professional fighter. Afraid of the outcome, Angela realised when it came to fighting, Rayanne probably had more experience than her.

_Angela VO: "The thought my so-called friend had sex with Jordan Catalano gave me like, this immense boost of power again. Now, I understand what they mean by, 'The fury blinded her'. In my head, Rayanne and Jordan were going at it, over and over again, and it fed my rage to grow bigger and bigger until I actually felt invincible."_

"You evil…, why did you have to go after Jordan?" Angela's teeth sank into Rayanne's lower arm, eliciting a primal scream roaring through her grinding teeth.

"You little…!" Forcefully, Rayanne smashed Angela's back into a nearby tree trunk.

"Ouch!" Taken aback for a brief moment, Angela supported her dizzying head with her hand. After shaking out the cloudiness, her eyes bore into Rayanne's before she assaulted her like a raging bull.

Tripping over her own feet, Rayanne crashed onto the sandy earth. Quickly, Angela sat down on top her, her hands slapping Rayanne wherever they could hit her. Rayanne defended herself by parrying Angela's hands as much as she could.

"You hit like a girl, you know that?" Out of nowhere, Rayanne started to giggle.

Unfortunately, Angela's mood got worse unlike Rayanne's, who saw the humour in the situation. The slapping became scratching, clawing and punching until Rayanne yelped out in agony. "Chase!"

Rayanne's fingers brushed over her lips, picking up a trail of blood. "You gave me wike, a fwucking bweeding wip!"

She scrambled to her feet and threw Angela off her body, reversing the roles by crashing down on top of her. Punching Angela on the shoulders, chest and in her face, Rayanne hit her harder than Angela had been capable off.

When the body underneath her started shuddering quietly, Rayanne stopped her fist in dead air and eyed her victim. Barely visible through the arms that were trying to refrain her from getting hurt, tears were streaming down Angela's face. Silent sobs gave away her pain and defeat, and something inside of Rayanne snapped.

"Get up."

Rubbing her soar body and face, Angela sat up straight. By accepting the hand Rayanne held out for her, Angela admitted her defeat and got to her feet. "You won, I guess."

"No, I didn't. You stiww don't get it, do you? I wost. I wost you." Her swollen lip made it difficult and painful for her to speak, but Rayanne hoped the meaning of the words came across. Turning on her heels, she left behind the battlefield of their hearts.

Not sure whether her body or heart hurt more, Angela felt broken and ashamed. Looking up through her tear-stricken, swollen eyes, Angela noticed the shocked and concerned faces around her or the first time. Did Jordan actually talk to her, try and stop her? Rickie even tried to shush them? And Brian, was he held back by Sharon? She wasn't sure, nothing made sense anymore.

Angela VO: _"Look at them all stare… The freak-show went crazy… None of them understands me, they all judge me and like, accuse me of this crime I didn't even wanna commit."_

She felt like crying, but it was like she had no more tears to give. She was completely empty, hollowed out. She felt like a massive black hole that sucked up all the happy thoughts and energy around her and imprison them for eternity. And she felt sore, really sore.

_Angela VO: "I cracked. I didn't know I was capable of it, but I did. And I actually thought that letting out the built-up anger towards Rayanne I had stored away would make things like, better somehow. I thought I'd feel relieved and I hoped it would make things easier for me to forgive her, or something. God, I only feel worse, I should've known violence isn't like, the answer."_

_To be continued…_


	3. Lootah

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 3 "Lootah"**

"Thank God not *aww's* Native around here… Awthough, might be kinda fun to have wike, some 'Medicine Man' heaw us with his wike, mojo and chicken bones and beaw-shit, you know?" As always, Rayanne Graff joked around hiding her true feelings, still slightly incomprehensible because of her swollen lip.

Sharon, sitting in-between the two brawlers, gave Rayanne a short, fake smile before shaking her head and resting her forehead on the palm of her hand.

Uncomfortably, Angela looked around the log cabin and all the hunting trophies. Her initial gratefulness that First Aid wasn't inside a tepee, vanished at the sight of those sinister dead animal heads on the wall. Their beady eyes seemed to judge her, like the spectators earlier had done.

"Good afternoon ladies! The doctor is in."

Three heads turned to look where that dark voice was coming from. The silhouette of a longhaired man appeared in the door frame. As the dark-haired, lean man entered the room, a few breaths caught. The man seemed to be a real Native American man, in his mid-twenties and was dressed in original tribe clothing. His attire didn't leave much to their imagination, showing off his toned, bronzed figure, which was athletically muscled.

"Howy…" All of a sudden, Rayanne shot up straight and gave the man her undivided attention. "If youw howse evew bweaks down… You can wike, wide me any day!"

Flashing his white teeth, the man smiled shamelessly at Rayanne for a moment. "Thanks for the offer. Wouldn't recommend playing horse for a while though, judging by your appearance."

Turning to face Sharon and Angela, he asked: "So, what happened, ladies?"

Stuttering, Sharon replied: "They umm… They like… Well, you see… They were like, in some sort of like, freakish accident."

"We had a fight." Angela answered, seemingly unimpressed with the gorgeous young doctor's appearance.

"Dare I ask what it was about?" Once more, the doctor flaunted his perfect teeth in a brash smile, this time turning to face Angela.

"A boy." Angela simply stated, even though her heart felt so much more.

Angela VO: _"Only the very reason of my existence, the reason I live and breathe. The reason I get up in the morning and not throw myself in front of a train to end the misery known as life. The one person who made life bearable, until he crushed my heart by 'umming' my best friend. And who, pathetically enough, despite all that, still is the reason I live and breathe, day in and day out." _

"Ah, same old tale through the ages… Must be a special young man then if he captured both your hearts." The doctor answered.

"No he's not. I mean, he's wike, not to me. It didn't mean a thing and I'm sowwy it evew happened. He wasn't wowth all this. But *she* stiww doesn't get it." A sort of sadness seemed to wash over Rayanne's face, as she pointed towards Angela. "Fuck! It huwts when I wift my awm!" Looking down at her arm, Rayanne discovered the source of her pain when she saw a bloody scrape.

"What's your name?" Seemingly ignoring Rayanne's words, the doctor lifted Rayanne's arm up to examine the graze.

"Teww ya mine if you teww me youws…" The sparks had returned to Rayanne's eyes while she arched one of her eyebrows at the doctor. "Fuck… That huwts too!" Flinching, Rayanne pressed the palm of her free hand up to her eyebrow.

"Anoki." A smile accompanied the doctor's words.

"Wayanne. Gwaff. But you can caww me *anything* you want. You can wike, just caww me. Pewiod." Her hopeful eyes met his chocolate brown pools. "I don't awways sound wike Bugs Bunny, you know?"

"Miss Graff, follow me to my office, I'll examine you and…"

"Wick my wounds?" Rayanne jumped up, regretting it immediately when she felt the pain surge through her ankle. "Cwap." Wobbling, she followed the doctor into his office.

An uncomfortable silence hovered around Angela and Sharon during the time Rayanne and the doctor were gone. Both girls were too busy with their own thoughts.

Covered in Band-Aid's and bandages Rayanne sort of limped out of the doctor's office a little later.

"Thank you soooo much, Anoki. Caww me, okay?" The big fat wink Rayanne gave the doctor, elicited him yet another flashy smile. Staggering down next to Sharon, Rayanne didn't take her eyes off the doctor for a second.

Leaning in the door frame, Anoki tried to get eye-contact with Angela, who wasn't aware of him at all.

"Angela!" Nudging Angela in her side, Sharon tried to get Angela's attention by hissing her name through her teeth.

"Ouch!" A filthy stare was the thanks Sharon got from Angela, followed by: "I think my ribs are cracked…"

"The doctor he's like, waiting for you Chase Face." Sharon's eyes gawked into the doctor's direction, Angela's eyes following her stare shortly. "Seems Jordan's not the only one with a mean lean though…" Travelling up and down the doctor's body, Sharon's stare did not hide her approval.

"Come with me, little Lootah." Beckoning her with a brisk nudge from his head, Anoki gave Angela a quick smile.

"Lootah?" Sharon and Rayanne turned to face each other, question marks practically written over their faces.

"It means 'red'." Those sounds were the lasts words Anoki spoke to Rayanne and Sharon before closing the door Rayanne had come through just moments before.

_To be continued…_


	4. Truce

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 4 "Truce" **

"So, you actually have a few bruised ribs, Chase Face? And he like, had to stitch you near the eye? And Rayanne, you have like, a sprained ankle?" Flabbergasted, Sharon looks from Angela to Rayanne.

"Yup. And a swowwen wip… My tooth got smashed in it." The quasi-filthy stare meant for Angela, never reached its goal and recoiled straight back from Angela's hairs to Rayanne.

"Doctow Hot Indian wike, fewt me up fwom top to bottom…" Rayanne's hand went from head to toe, demonstrating the path the doctor followed.

"Look, maybe you two could finally like, make a truce?" Coming to a halt, Sharon stopped both girls with her arms, her gaze going from one to the other.

"This has gone on long enough. It sucks being in the middle of two fighting friends, you guys! Look where you ended up!" Practically pleading, Sharon's eyes kept going back and forth from Angela to Rayanne, studying their injuries.

Guiltily, Angela looked up, her vision hindered by one swollen eye that was slowly but steadily turning black. She examined Rayanne's scruffy state and realised that was her doing.

Angela VO: _"Rayanne and I could have like, fought forever, it doesn't change what happened. You can't turn back time. Maybe it's time to let it go. Time to move on and look ahead, instead of dwelling on the past."_

Before Angela had time to form any words at all, Rayanne spoke. "Wook, Angewica, you *know* I didn't wanna wike, huwt you, okay? It happened. And I pwomise, it'ww nevew evew happen again! I'm totawwy not into Jowdan Catawano! Besides, I wouwdn't wanna get beaten up by you again…" A small grin accompanied Rayanne's last words.

Giggling sheepishly, Angela surrendered. "Okay. Let's forget about it. Truce." Sticking out her hand, Rayanne grabbed hold of it avidly.

"Spit on it?"

Both girls retracted their hands, gargled up a great blob of spit, spat on their hands and affirmed their truce once more.

"Finally!" Shutting her eyes, Sharon lifted her hands up to the sky as if to thank some higher power.

"So, now we'we aww buddy-buddy again… What was it wike with Doctow Hot Indian?" Waggling her eyebrows, Rayanne was desperate for Angela's answer.

"What? Well, you know… Nothing special. He just examined me." Not-comprehending, Angela looked at her friends.

"God Chase Face, you must still be like, really in love with Jordan Catalano… Totally blinded by love! That doctor was so freakin' gorgeous, I'd go and break my leg right now, just to have him feel me up!" Quickly Sharon's giggles were followed by the roaring laughter of Rayanne, followed by half-laughed cries of pain.

Angela VO: _"Wow. I mean, I like already knew I'm still in love with Jordan Catalano. But I didn't realise I was like totally *blind* to the world, whereas the world is like, so obviously aware of me and my feelings. It's scary to let someone who can hurt you this much, into your life. Again. Jordan Catalano *is* my life, I don't need more than his love to breathe. But if I let him hurt me again, my life will be like, over…"_

_To be continued…_


	5. Hurt

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 5 "Hurt"**

When Angela, Rayanne and Sharon had returned to the camp site, there was no sign of Jordan anywhere. Disappointed, Angela tried to participate in the program so she would be distracted from both the pain radiating from her ribs, as well as the pain in her heart.

After a while, Angela had fled the staring eyes and loud sounds of the crowd, sitting down upon a strayed tree branch in the sand, near a fire that was still softly burning. Slowly, the sky changed from bright blue into an orange dusk, allowing some stars to shine brightly already.

"Hey, you okay?"

Without looking up, Angela recognized the husky voice as Jordan's.

Angela VO: _"The pain killers the doctor prescribed me, just ease the pain from my ribs a little. All those staring people kinda make me wish I'd gone home after all, but I just can't. Not without seeing Jordan Catalano, and knowing we're like, okay, somehow. I wish there was like this medicine against heart ache. Though I have to admit, and I know this sounds corny, Jordan's voice kinda does the trick, every time."_

A sour laugh, due to the pain, spread around the corners of Angela's lips as she tilted her head to look Jordan in the eye. "Hey you. You know, kinda okay, I guess."

Tucking strands of hair behind his ear, Jordan looked down at his feet, shuffling bits of sand from one side to the other. "So, you like, badly hurt?"

Angela VO: _"Are we talkin' heart or body here?"_

"Well, nothin' too bad, a big black eye, some scratches, bruises, missing hair plugs… And a couple of bruised ribs. But you should see the other person…" A swift, shy smile swept over Angela's face, her eyes looking up briefly, afraid to linger upon Jordan's for too long.

A tiny chuckle sounding like a snort, escaped Jordan's lips. He sat down next to Angela on the tree branch, shifting to the sides a bit awkward.

"I think Rayanne and I sorta patched things up now. We agreed to like, a truce." Turning to look at Jordan, Angela was struck by how gorgeous his features were due to the flames.

Without saying anything, Jordan fixed his eyes upon Angela's.

Angela VO: _"Looking the way he does right now, Jordan Catalano doesn't make it easy for me to talk to him. It hurts to look at him. And I'm sure he like, feels the opposite. He can't stop staring at me. My black eye and stitches must appal him…"_

Right before Angela wanted to bow down her head with shame, Jordan's finger unexpectedly traced over the stitches in Angela's face, near her eye and cheekbone. Ever so soft and gentle, he examined her scar like there was a message in braille to be read.

"I like, never had someone fight for me before…" His eyes lost their fixation on the scar before turning to rest upon Angela's eyes.

"It's not like I go around punching people on a daily basis, you know…" The tiniest smile adorned Angela's lips, trying to dismiss the subject as unimportant and light.

Angela VO: _"But I guess when it comes down to you, Jordan Catalano, I'd like, give my life in a heartbeat…"_

"Yeah, I know…" For a moment, a coy smile appeared on Jordan's face.

Angela VO: _"Oh God, I didn't just say those words out loud, did I?" _

It felt like the flames of the flickering fire were licking Angela's face, she felt embarrassed and caught, even if she was sure she hadn't said those words out loud.

"Does it hurt?" Without hesitating, Jordan delicately placed his lips upon Angela's stitches, trailing them over to her black eye extremely smoothly. Closing her eyes, Angela allowed the feelings his butterfly kisses brought along to wash over her. This time, she blamed the heat of the flames for the scorch that almost burnt her cheeks.

Angela VO: _"Of course it hurts when you touch me, Jordan Catalano! It hurts *so* much because I can't stand it! I can't stand it because I like, feel dead without your touch…"_

"Jordan…" Little more than a murmur, hardly recognizing the small voice as her own, Angela averted her face once more. Afraid her feelings might show, because she was still unsure what to do with them.

"Hmmm…?" Without removing his lips, Jordan's hand found its way into Angela's locks.

"Jordan, I… I can't. It hurts too much…" Like earlier that day, salt water welled in her eyes, a result from the pain that cut through her heart.

Abruptly, Jordan withdrew his lips, his eyes searching Angela's for answers. "I… I didn't mean to…"

Interrupting him, Angela said, "I don't mean physically, I mean… Inside…" When she said those words, she could almost hear her own heart break again.

"Want me to leave?" Honesty and innocence made place for hurt and incomprehension in his eyes.

"I… I don't know. *Not* being with you hurts even more, you know?"

Angela VO: _"Wow, I can't believe I actually just said that to Jordan Catalano. I mean, like two and a half months ago, I explained to him that even though I didn't wanna be with him at the time, I couldn't be without him either. But that seems like a lifetime ago now, it feels like a century since we *really* talked to each other." _

"I'm confused, Ange…" Jordan started rummaging his pockets to find his cigarettes and lighter.

"That makes two of us…"

"Look, it's like, that time when Graff like, wanted me to like, show you respect or something? She like, said… umm… 'people don't wait around forever'." The slightest tremble was visible in his fingers while Jordan was trying to light his cigarette.

"I mean, I don't like, wanna push you or anything, but it's just…" After inhaling from his cigarette deeply, Jordan focussed his eyes on Angela's, like two big blue beams trying to persuade the criminal to confess her crime.

"I know, Jordan."

Angela VO: _"After all this time, I guess I shouldn't be surprised anymore when it comes to Jordan Catalano, but he never seizes to amaze me. To think he actually remembered those words and is now like, using them against me somehow. It's like, low in a way, you know? But I guess he makes sense. He deserves to know. Just because *I* can't seem to move on, doesn't mean I have to keep him in the dark."_

"So?" Jordan's eyes had never before looked this open and self-doubting when they settled upon Angela's.

Angela VO: _"What do you tell Jordan Catalano when he looks at you in that way? What is like, the appropriate thing to say to someone, who's looking at you like his life depends on your response? 'I don't know', or 'Let's give it a try'? It's like telling an innocent, big-eyed, fluffy little seal that his mother never loved him, before coldheartedly smashing its brains to a bloody pulp with a bat. And I can't do that."_

"I'm sorry, I…" A huge lump in Angela's throat made it impossible for her to finish her sentence.

As fast as her injuries allowed her to get up, Angela got to her feet, leaving Jordan behind without the answer he had been longing to hear. Hating herself for her coward-ness, indecisiveness and inability to forgive and forget, tears streamed down her face once more that day.

_To be continued…_


	6. The Great Spirit

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 6 "The Great Spirit"**

Angela VO: _"After abandoning Jordan by the fire, I just I cried myself to sleep, his eyes lingering on my mind. It's like, the more he shows he cares, the more terrified I am to let him back in my life. Why can't I just open myself up to him, like before? What is wrong with me, not being able to love Jordan Catalano back when it's like, all I ever wanted and needed?"_

After a dreadfully long day in which the boys were taken out to 'hunt' for their meals, the girls were supposed to stay at the campsite and give weaving fabrics their best shot.

A phone-call to her parents Angela didn't want to make but was forced to anyway, almost settled her departure. It had taken some time, but Angela finally convinced her mother she was okay and wanted to stay.

The skies had turned black already, sprinkled with diamond-like stars shining down upon them. The big bonfire everyone had gathered around for, illuminated the faces of the students. Tonight they were gonna take turns in smoking a peace-pipe, which had been approved by school of course. The Native Americans had assured the members of staff that the ingredients weren't addictive or hazardous to the kids' health. More importantly, the natives had emphasized what a great honour it was to be able to be part of this tradition.

The students were asked to form groups of four or eight people, and gather around one of the smaller campfires. Before she was aware of what happened, Sharon grabbed Angela by her arm and guided her towards one of the fires, Rayanne and Rickie following them. Looking around, Angela didn't see Jordan anywhere. For all she knew, he could have left already, without saying goodbye to her. Not that she deserved a goodbye from him, after the way she treated him.

Displaying a sad face that went along with her absent mind, Angela sat down on a tree stub and simply waited. Rayanne, Rickie and Sharon stared into the fire until a familiar voice awoke them from their reverie.

"Greetings, Miss Graff, Miss Cherski and little Lootah." Eyeing each of them separately whilst smiling, Anoki finally let his stare fell upon Rickie. "And I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you yet." The flames of the fire reflected in his warm, brown eyes as he spoke softly.

"Pleasure alright…" Mumbling, Rickie rapidly unlocked his stare from Anoki and rubbed his neck. His eyes spun around in their sockets before he shut them for a few seconds. After taking a deep breath, Rickie opened his eyes and held out his hand to Anoki. "Rickie. Vasquez."

Anoki firmly gripped the hand offered to him and introduced himself to Rickie. "Anoki."

Back and forth, from one guy to the other, Rayanne watched how two pairs of brown eyes had trouble disengaging themselves from the other. Their initial handshake had transformed into two men holding hands for some other, seemingly deeper purpose.

"Ehhuumm…" Clearing her throat, Rayanne broke the spell and brought the two men back to the here and now.

"Right…" Like he burnt his hand on the stove, Anoki suddenly withdrew his hand from its entanglement with Rickie's. "Where were we. Okay, smoking the Peace Pipe."

"No chance of smoking * his* Peace Pipe anymowe, I guess…" Not taking her eyes of Anoki, Rayanne whispered her regrets into Sharon's ear.

"I know! I mean, such a big waste!" Despite Sharon's attempt to keep her voice down, Anoki's arched eyebrow told her he'd probably heard what they were talking about.

The wink Anoki then addressed to Angela, elicited her a small, shy smile. Totally unaware of the events that just took place, she accepted the sign as an attempt from his side to ease her nerves.

"Smoking the Peace Pipe is a holy tradition amongst the Natives. It is to be treated with the utmost respect, as it is a spiritual instrument. The pipe can become a strong catalyst to import a powerful feeling for our Mother Earth and all living things." Taking turns in eyeing Angela, Sharon, Rayanne and Rickie, they all answered his gaze by giving him undivided attention.

"Even some of the natives have to be reminded of our four cardinal principles: respect for Wakan Tanka, respect for Mother Earth and Father Sky, respect for our fellow man and woman, and respect for individual freedom."

"The pipe ceremony begins with loading tobacco, a natural substance, into a pipe and then acknowledging the four directions, Mother Earth, and Father Sky; it culminates with the final offering to the Great Spirit. The pipe is held firmly by the bowl in the palm of the hand with the stem pointed outward. The last step of the pipe offering is the holding up of the pipe with its stem pointed straight upward, out into the centre of the universe. Although the Indian admits that God is everywhere, in ceremony, Wakan Tanka is regarded as above."

"The pipe holder might begin with the east direction for the first acknowledgement, but there is no such requirement. I prefer the east because the sun rises in the east, and it is the beginning of a new day for each of us."

"The pipe holder stands to face the east, holding the pipe with its stem pointed eastward in one hand, a pinch of tobacco in the other, and sprinkles some tobacco on the ground before inserting the tobacco in the bowl of the pipe. By sprinkling a portion on the ground, the pipe holder is acknowledging that we must always give back to Mother Earth part of what we have taken."

Looking around the small circle of faces, Anoki stopped when his eyes reached Angela. "Little Lootah, I would like to ask you to begin the ceremony, since I cannot think of someone more appropriate to do so. Red is the colour of the East, so."

Handing her the pipe, Anoki continued, "While the pipe is being loaded with tobacco, Lootah will face the East. I ask all of you to face the same direction, and that goes for every direction after this one."

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Angela got up and held the pipe in one hand. Anoki got hold of her shoulders to let her face the East and then gave her some tobacco.

"Everyone, shift so you face the same direction Lootah does. So little Lootah, sprinkle some tobacco on the ground, then insert the rest." Anoki watched patiently while Angela performed the ritual.

"Very good. Now, repeat this after me:

_Red is the east;  
It is where the daybreak star,  
the star of knowledge appears.  
Red is the rising sun  
Bringing us a new day  
__New experiences._

_We thank you, Great Spirit, for each new day  
That we are allowed to live upon  
Our Mother Earth_

_From knowledge springs wisdom and goodness  
And we are thankful, oh Wakan Tanka,  
For the morning sun that rises in the east.  
Knowledge shall become the beginning  
For ultimate peace throughout this world."_

Softly, Angela repeated the words Anoki told her. When her last words had been spoken, she eyed him insecurely.

"Very good Lootah. Normally, there is only one pipe holder, but in this case all of you get to hold the pipe and represent a direction."

The ritual progressed, going from East, to South, to West, to the North. Rickie, Rayanne and Sharon all held the pipe, sprinkled some tobacco on the ground, stuffed a bit more in the pipe and quoted their special prayer. When Sharon was done, Anoki took over the ritual, this time addressing Mother Earth and Father Sky. After some final tobacco-sprinkling on the ground, the pipe was ready to be smoked.

"So, it's just wike, tobacco? Nothin' ewse, wike, we get some of these you know, visions?" Clutching her legs up to her chest, Rayanne rocked back and forward.

"Alas, Miss Graff, we do not need or use hallucinating substances. It is a powerful ritual nonetheless. The smoke from the pipe represents the participants' visible breath and stands for truth: truthful words, truthful actions, and a truthful spirit." Closing his eyes, Anoki took the first draught from the pipe, then handed it over to Rickie.

Angela VO: _"So, this like, ceremony, it's pretty intense I guess. Being Native American is like, kinda cool. I'm not sure I believe something will happen now, even if it does feel kinda magical. If there is like this Great Spirit out there, I could really use an earth-shattering epiphany about Jordan Catalano now."_

After Rickie took a few drags, he handed the pipe down to Rayanne, who in turn handed it over to Sharon. Sharon passed the pipe on to Angela, who carefully inhaled a small draught of tobacco at first. At the feel of the smoke sort of gliding through her throat, Angela inhaled a little deeper. Coughs quickly followed her action, making her regret her last swig. Laughter surrounded her, drowning out the coughing sounds quickly.

"You guys, it's not funny!" Laughing on the wrong side of her mouth, Angela held on to her ribs with her free hand. "Stupid ribs…" The pain subsided and Angela felt the need to calm herself down by inhaling a little more from the Peace Pipe.

Closing her eyes, the smoke coiled through her, fogging her brain up pleasantly. The sounds which surrounded her in the nearby circle got drowned out. From further away, musical sounds drifted into her head. It sounded like someone was singing and playing a guitar. When she tried to focus on the tunes, the sounds became a familiar song. Humming along with its melody, Angela tried to recall where she'd heard the song before.

Angela VO: _"Bam, it like, hit me! Someone is singing 'Red'! It has to be Jordan. Or am I seriously imagining things? Jordan singing, isn't that just something I *wanna* hear? Am I hallucinating because of the combination of painkillers and tobacco? I'm sure that when I like, open my eyes, the song will be gone. This is all just happening in my head, there's no other sane explanation for it." _

Extending the moment for as long as possible, Angela kept her eyes shut to keep the song inside. Softly singing along with Jordan's husky voice, she had memorized the words by heart.

"_I was going nowhere  
Going nowhere fast  
Drowning in my memory  
Living in the past  
Everything looked black till I found her  
She's all I need and that's what I say _

_I call her RED_

She's my shelter from the storm  
She's the place to rest my head  
Late at night she keeps me warm  
I call her RED"

"Angela?" Ever so softly, a voice tried to pull her back into reality. She wouldn't let it, not just yet.

"Chase Face?" Another voice tried to break the spell and ruin this moment for her.

"Yo, Angelica!" Those words sounded louder than the others had, and the fingers clutching her arm and squeezing it, made her open her eyes at once to see who dragged her out of her trance.

"WHAT?" Anger made the term sound brash, Angela's eyes shot fire at all the eyes staring her down. Sighing, she continued, "Why'd you have to like, wake me? I was happy, you know…"

"So, you choose not hear the truth when it speaks to you, little Lootah?" Anoki's friendly eyes soothed Angela a bit.

"What truth? I was like, hallucinating. Big time." Resting her chin in one hand palm, Angela drew little scribbles in the sand before her feet.

"Listen, Lootah. The Great Spirit has spoken to you. Acknowledge its Wisdom." Placing his fingertip on his lips and then pointing it upwards, Anoki thus bad Angela to be quiet and listen.

From a distance, the chords and words Angela had heard earlier, wear still audible.

Angela VO: _"Jordan is *actually* singing 'Red', not just inside my head! I like, never really believed in God or anything, but this can't be a coincidence. It's like my life is starting to make sense again, like it's going somewhere again. All it took was to be quiet and listen, and the answer just like, came to me. I have the deepest respect for the Natives and their Great Spirit right now."_

"So, go to him, Chase Face! You know you still love him…" The warmth radiating from Sharon's eyes showed how much she cared for Angela's happiness.

"Angela, this is like, *definitely* a sign, you know? I just knew that 'Red' was about you, all along…"

Getting to his feet, Rickie walked over to Angela and kissed her on the cheek. "Go get him. You're not happy without him."

_To be continued…_


	7. Nothing Left to Lose

**With or Without You, by Lady(dragon) Guinevere**

A/N: Sadly, I don't own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sittin' here writing and posting fanfic, I'd be off doing the wild thing with Jordan Catalano instead ;)

R&R if you like it, please!

**Chapter 7 "Nothing Left to Lose"**

Angela VO: _"Okay, so even if I did get like, this huge sign and everyone seems to think I should give Jordan a second chance, how do I like actually *do* this? I can't just like go over there unprepared. What do I say? 'Hey, so, this Great Spirit thing like, opened my mind up to your song and since you can't argue with destiny, here I am'? It's like, now I finally know what my heart wants, but my mouth can't like, actually pronounce it."_

While sauntering over to the place where Jordan's tunes came from, Angela's mind went over a long list of possible things to say.

Angela VO: _"I know it's like, totally pointless anyway, once I'm in Jordan Catalano's presence I'll freeze up. My mouth will just talk and I won't have a clue where the words come from. His eyes wipe every last bit of sanity from my brain."_

A few yards up ahead, Jordan sat in front of a fire, playing his guitar. His hair almost hung onto his shoulders nowadays, some stray strands of hair brushed over his face. Seemingly unaware of Angela's proximity, Jordan kept singing intensely. After a few lines Angela recognized the song Jordan was singing, U2 scored a hit with it a couple of years earlier.

"_Sleight of hand and twist of fate_

_On a bed of nails she makes me wait_

_And I wait without you_

_With or Without you_

_With or without you"_

Angela VO: _"Again, Jordan Catalano astounds me. That song is like, exactly how I feel, like I can't live with, or without him. It's really not just a twist of fate he's singing this song now. After what happened tonight I believe it's like, another sign. I never even realised that my indecisiveness caused him so much pain. I guess I just thought about my own feelings, instead of thinking about the bed of nails I created for him."_

Captivated by the intensity of Jordan's words, Angela just watched Jordan for a few moments. She could just stay there and listen to him play and sing all night long. She'd almost forgotten how beautiful his voice sounded when he sang, and how he shut his eyes most the time. The flames gave his exterior a beautiful, warm colour, enhancing his most gorgeous features. Still dressed in the Natives' vest, Jordan's upper arm caught Angela's attention. She noticed the braided leather bracelet, tightly wrapped around his biceps. Her eyes darted further down over his arm, following its lean, muscular shape until they reached his hand. Blinking in the fiery flames, his silver rings almost clashed with the warm tones of the skin on his fingers.

"Ange?"

Startled at the sound of Jordan's hoarse voice calling out her name, Angela felt her cheeks flame.

"Um, hey… I umm… I like, heard you play, so."

Angela VO: _"DUH!"_

"Oh. So, like, you're done with the Peace Pipe thing?" Lowering the guitar, Jordan rested his arm upon the instrument.

"Yeah, we're like, done. It was kinda intense even." Slipping a strand of hair behind her ear, Angela strolled towards Jordan and sat down next to him. "So, I um… I heard you play 'Red' too."

"Yeah? I mean, yeah, so?" Mimicking her gesture, Jordan tucked some hairs behind his ears as well. Meanwhile the guitar was providing a safe barrier between him and Angela.

"It's still beautiful, Jordan. And I guess, it made me realise like, what I really want." Resting her eyes upon Jordan's, Angela hoped to convey the message without words.

Drumming the guitar's surface with his fingers, Jordan opened his mouth, shook his head and shut his mouth again.

"Jordan, it's *you*."

To emphasize her words, as well as not to be embarrassed any further, Angela leaned in to kiss Jordan, ignoring the instrumental barrier still keeping them safely apart. Softly, her lips brushed over his. The initial contact felt so good, she felt like she was back in a trance once more. Exploring the soft territory unleashed millions of butterflies inside her stomach. She'd been there before, but she'd almost forgotten that nothing else mattered when they kissed.

Their gentle kisses became bolder and more demanding. Lips caressed lips, softly biting the other ones. Soon, their tongues joined in the adventurous journey, probing, searching, licking the others lips at first, before daring to go deeper inside. Embracing each other like they had never done before, their tongues teased, tickled and loved. Their hot mouths had become one big scorching, wet place of lust and love.

Eagerly, Jordan's hands cupped Angela's face to pull her even closer to him. Flinching away, Angela interrupted their kiss for a moment. "Hmm, Jordan… Your umm… instrument is kinda, you know, riding up against my ribs."

"What?" Again, Jordan was looking for an answer in Angela's eyes when Angela clarified herself. "Your guitar."

"Oh, you meant…" A shy smile lit up Jordan's face, before he quickly pulled the guitar strap over his head, the guitar vanishing along with it. Carefully he laid the instrument down on its sleeve, before giving Angela his full attention again.

"So, you sure 'bout this?" Cupping her face in his hands once again, Jordan fixed his eyes onto Angela's.

"Absolutely."

Angela VO: _"Jordan proved his sincerity by waiting around for me, no matter how painful it was to him. He never meant to hurt me, and I guess he never will again. Nothing left to lose, but everything to gain."_

**The End, my friends…**


End file.
